You only get one chance to make a first impression.
Generally, speaking I am against the idea that first impressions cannot be changed.
But, if you are only going to see the person one time, then yea the first impression means everything.
For example, when a guy approaches a woman he knows it’s time to be on his A-game because he has to demonstrate his value.
When a guy approaches a woman he is interested in and gets more information out of her and she starts giving red flags, he will leave.
Why? Because they don’t know you.
They only know the information they have AVAILABLE.
This means, they have to make a quick assumption about who you are and if you are compatible.
Let’s say you were to apply for a job.
You meet the employer.
You completely bomb the interview.
Since the only thing they can really base how good you will be for the job is the interview, they don’t hire you because of your poor performance.
Let’s say, a guy approaches a woman, he isn’t confident, he is nervous, and is just awkward.
She is not attracted, because of his poor approach.
Notice, these people are making ASSUMPTIONS based on the first meet.
They have no idea how of your potential or the future.
They just see the information that is available, and determine how they feel in the moment.
Most people will not say well, he/she was really awkward, but I see potential here so I am going to keep seeing them.
This is very rare and uncommon.
People are motivated by the positives.
People are turned off by the negatives.
What are the positives in human relationships? (Green Flags)
Positive emotions.
Financial support.
Success indicators.
Fun.
Understanding.
And whatever else people value in relationships. Something they can gain from the relationship.
What are the negatives in human relationships? (Red Flags)
Negative emotions.
To feel worse about themselves.
To feel invalidated as a person.
To feel worthless.
To feel unhelpful.
To feel they don’t matter.
To not feel appreciated.
To feel their voice doesn’t matter.
Wasting time.
Someone playing with their emotions.
Someone bossing them around and telling them how to think.
Someone forcing them to change so they can be accepted and approved by the other person.
Or, to be changed to become the other wants for their reasons.
Anything that feels like pain or discomfort.
People are motivated are by the positives.
What do people want in relationships?
If you are unable to display you have what that person is looking for in the first meet.
You won’t most likely get a second meet.
You might not care.
But, this is true for everyone you meet.
If you are unable to give good first impressions people will NOT the best parts of you.
The first day you meet someone you want to be on your ‘best behavior’.
In a relaxing way of course, not in a forced way.
It’s okay to be yourself, but if you are attracted to someone you have to show them you have WHAT THEY WANT in a RELATIONSHIP.
This process is the same no matter who you talk.
Everyone has Criterias.
When you meet those Criterias they like you and will like to see you more often.
If you like someone you have to show them you are able to meet the criteria whatever those criteria are.
Inauthentic?
For the sake of making a good impression everyone is a little more ‘fake’ than normal.
Why?
Let’s say you go to a party.
And someone approaches and you are interested in them.
But, you offend them.
They lose interest in you, and tell you something came up.
That potential friendship/relationship is lost.
So even when people may be compatible.
Because they give the wrong impression the person won’t be interested to continue.
This is considered polite and good social manners, not fake.
You Made A Good Impression!
Congratulations! You made a good impression and now they want to continue seeing you.
What do you do?
Now, you can reveal more and more things about yourself.
Like I said never reveal the worst parts of yourself.
Don’t lie either.
Reveal the best parts and then share some of your weaknesses(this is fine).
But, do not say something like hey ‘I am looking for a friend who will pay my bills for me’.
RED FLAG!
Bad example, because it would be really dumb if someone actually did say that, right?
The point is if you overly reveal really bad things about yourself.
That is the impression will get from you.
Remember the other person is MEETING YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME.
They have no idea who you are or your history.
So, you have to show them what makes you unique, attractive, and valuable.
If you leave a good impression, they will want to see you more.
Then you can expand more and more about yourself.
Then you want to DETERMINE what you want to reveal to this person.
Not every relationship is the same.
Some people who are spiritual you can be spiritual with.
To some people, this will be a turn-off.
So gauge the kind of relationship you can have with this person.
You may know someone forever and still not reveal certain about yourself.
Why? Because it’s not relevant for that relationship.
No one really needs to know everything about you.
Some of your relationships will be narrow based on the other person, and some will be very wide based on the other person.
For example, if you like baseball, and the other person likes basketball.
Maybe don’t talk about baseball and talk about basketball.
Just an example.
Why? Because the other person might be bored listening to you talk about baseball. (not relevant to their interest)
But, you never know, maybe coming from you they do enjoy talking about baseball.
Nothing wrong with trying, but see their reaction.
If they like hearing you talk about baseball that means it’s okay.
If they are losing interest in you or in the conversation because you are talking about baseball, change the topic.
Summary
Do your best to make a good impression on people especially if you might only see someone one time.
Failure to leave a good impression will most likely lead to missed opportunities.
With people who you know longer, there is more flexibility.
Since people don’t know you it’s best to show them first what makes you unique and what kind of things you have to offer that is valuable.
If you lead with the worst parts of yourself their impression will be based on that, which will leave a negative impression in their minds.