People think coaching is easy, because all you have to do is simply give advice and let the listener simply listen.
But, this is certainly not the case.
If this were true coach tons of people would be improving while receiving coaching advice.
People(/coaches) tend to think it’s the level of insight or the level of knowledge that makes the coach.
And this is simply not true, it is but one piece to the overall puzzle.
It is more effective as a coach on how you bring people to the desires outcome as opposed to the quality of insight.
Most people think if they simply give a bunch of random advice people will listen just because…
They couldn’t be more wrong.
People will listen to the advice because it resonates with them and they deem the insight(or advice) as something they should do for their own logical/emotional reasons.
There a few things to be a better coach.
One identify the problem, then lead to the solution. A lot of people know what is wrong, but they don’t actually know how to fix the issue. “Hey you are doing this wrong.” Okay, but how do you go about fixing it? Harping on the problem without a solution is a big waste of time for everyone.
Identify the problem and guide them to the solution.
Okay – this is what you are doing that can be improved on, and try this instead because…it is more effective…because…and will help you create this outcome(whatever this is).
Great coaches don’t just slam people with advice, they listen, and really listen to not just the words, but what the issue underneath that people are facing while seeking the problem and guiding them to the intended outcome; a job, stress relief, overcoming anxieties, etc.
The better you can inspire people to take the intended action to create the outcome the better people will listen.
Giving advice is very easy.
And everyone has this concept that people will take their advice for the simple fact that is coming out their mouths.
If only this were true, most people wouldn’t be complaining about this issue.
The government has been trying to figure this out since the dawn of time – how to make people listen and do what it is you want them to do.
And it’s not just the government even friends and family want others to listen and take action for whatever the reason is.
But, people fail to realize people will listen to an advice, when they perceive the cost-benefit of that idea better than their previous conditions.
To make matters more complex, people have their own unique way of taking action and motivation.
It is up to the influencer(change agent or coach) to identify this and guide them to the ideal solution.
In this world everyone is playing the same game of listen to what I say.
Which is not only disrespectful, it is insulting which does not lead to creating change none the slightest.
Identify the problem –> determine what inspires that specific person –> lead them to the ideal outcome.
This is effective coaching at a simplest level. I am sure there are more details I am leaving out, but, that is the general idea in plain simplicity.
In NLP, we call people’s reality as “Model of The World” and everyone has a model that is personal to them.
The better you can customize your message or advice to the listener the better and more likely they will take action.
And no matter how good you become at giving advice, it may still take a while before people followup on the idea.
The government knows this.
Marketers, sales people, advertisers know this.
No matter how good you become at giving people advice it will generally take a while before they take action on the idea themselves.
People don’t really like to be told what to do.
People are hardwired to resist persuasion and generally speaking only take action so long they feel the idea is their own.
If you want people to listen to your advice more often you have to learn how to give advice in a way that inspires people to take action on your idea.
You will notice when you do this correctly will want to listen to your advice for their own reason in a way that is drama free, and they will love your idea and thank you for it.
The wrong way to give advice is to force people to your model or the way the world should be, for the simple fact, that it has nothing to do with them.
If they don’t understand your message nothing you say will click with them and they won’t take it.
If the advice is too above their heads, they won’t take it no matter how great the advice is.
If the advice conflicts with their egos they will generally not take the advice. While it is true sometimes the ego must die in order to receive the desire change this is not a good rule to follow. Because, even, if it does work people will direct their hatred towards you. As mentioned above you want to allow people the space to take action on your idea because it makes sense to them, and for their own reasons. Forcing other people to take action feels like being a slave in which no one will listen to you. And, even if they do they will hate you for it.
The above is horrible coaching, unprofessional, immature, arrogant.
The closer you can bridge the gap to your listener in terms of why they should listen and inspire them to take action on your ideas the more likely you are to succeed.
If you think people should listen to your opinions just because, you are in a rude awakening.
No one is that special.
Unless you are charismatic, a great leader, well in that case you are an effective leader and coach and already naturally being a great influencer or coach. In which case, you are already being a great coach.
Great coaches listens, and give ego-friendly advice.
Terrible coaches, give orders, and shatter the person’s ego to conform to some ideology that they may or not want.
This is plain arrogant and it assumes that people should obey an advice, and it implies the person thinks they already know the answer and what is best for other people without even taking the time what the other person.
No matter how hard you try people will only do things for their own reasons.
Forcing people to change will NEVER work.
As attractive as it is to make people your obedient puppet, while yes it is possible, people have no idea how to even go about this.
Generally, people feel entitled and special, and they really believe people should obey them for no real particular reason.
This is the game most people are playing, and to be sure this is why no one likes them, and they get poor results.
And this is terrible leadership.
The better you craft your message, respecting the goals of other people, accepting their desires and thoughts as valid(even if it is work), identifying the problem, guiding them to the solution, the better you will be a coach or influencer.
In plain simplicity, tailor your message to who you are speaking to, in a way they is friendly, inspiring, accepting, and guides them to do better and better results.
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