Are you afraid of being taken advantage of?
Trusting someone with your heart is risky and for most people you should be a little on guard at first.
You should never give people the keys to your heart for free. For most people they have to earn access to your heart.
But this does create some problems though. If you are always on guard you won’t let the people who do like you inside your energy space. Being on guard keeps you safe for sure and not everyone deserves a place in your life. But, what if being on guard is keeping people away who’d melt your heart?
This is the issue. Who do we know to let in? Unfortunately, there is no real way to know who should be in your life. But, there are good signs that someone should be in your life. If someone is helping you grow, if they support you, if they care about you, if they help you, etc.
All you can do is gauge how you feel around someone and trust your feeling. Feelings can be wrong, and that’s okay, you will always be gaining more information about someone.
People who are scared of people often have to know everything about someone before allowing them in their life. Which is fine, for most people, but you can really lose out on some good people if you are way to defensive.
The trick is to know when to keep your guard up and when to allow yourself to be open and vulnerable. I know this can be a challenge for you because in your past you were likely taken advantage of by people who you trusted. But, this fear based mentality is blocking you from opening up people in your life and also people who do want to be a part of your life.
You don’t have to let anyone in just the ones you think are worth the risk or have potential. You can even make a little game out of it if you like. This person needs to have XYZ qualities before I engage with them. I don’t recommend this approach, per se, I recommend on trusting the way you feel around someone. But, it can help you assess people better.
Perhaps you can make a list of the types of people you like in your personal space. And, if they don’t match those criteria you either reduce time with them or you prevent them from having a relationship with you altogether.
It won’t be easy because likely you have been disappointed many times. And this disappointment has you playing it safe with the people in your life. And because you are on guard people constantly feel rejected by you or disapproved. Which sends the signal to them you don’t like them. This is definitely an issue on comfort.
You don’t have to completely open your heart as we mentioned already. But, you should learn that some people you can be on guard with and some people you can lower your guard with. Being on guard will dramatically lower your chances of meeting people you do want in your life. Here’s the thing being on guard is a defense mechanism that is based upon fear. In this case, fear of disappointment, trust issues, etc.
But, if you open your heart to the right people you can slowly heal and see that some do like you and some people do want to see you succeed in your goals. Not everyone wants to be your enemy or hurt you some people want to see you shine. But, if you are on the defense you will never notice this because you are constantly rejecting people before they even come into your space.
This will further keep you on guard because you will see people don’t like you which will lower your self-esteem and confidence.
Which will keep you on guard.
To avoid this issue find people you can connect to and slowly meet new people who are worth taking a chance on.
Not everyone is ought to get you and some people truly want the best for you because they care about you and that’s it.
There is nothing more to it.
If you dive more deep and try to figure every little detail out you run the risk of finding flaws that don’t exist.