The Self-Pointed Gun

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Once I had this friend who was neurotic I tried helping her as much as I could because I knew she was very depressed and sad about her life.

I tried to fully understand her and what went wrong in her life to make her feel that way.

As someone who is no stranger to pain, I wanted to do my best to make sure she get out of that state.

But, one thing, you will learn is that you can never fix people you can just help them get out of their own mess on their own. But, you can certainty help their ride be a lot smoother.

She she one day told me she wanted to kill herself.

And because It’s not I gave her a very indifferent look because I didn’t want to overact to the fact that shes in deep pain. I wanted to help but, you have to be very careful with people who say they want to kill themselves one wrong mistake and they will pull the trigger.

These people are in a very difficult times. 

So instead of giving her much advice I was just there being with her giving my friendship. Occassionally I would give her some tips here and there to try to help her out.

Like hey try reading these books, or try to fix your biology so you can be more happy, and a whole other range of advice. Now, the issue is once you are so deep into the deep end there is very little you can do.

The person needs a complete new overhaul that changes everything about themselves to avoid the situation entirely.

While she was me she seem a little calmer but I can tell it wasn’t enough to override the many years of problems she has endured in her life. So I can only be there for her with my good intentions and I know everything will be her on her inner strength to get out of her own miss.

Yet, one day, she started to meeting friends. She always had a deep lonilness in her and heart and wanted to be accepted by someone who possibly meet someone who really cared about her.

But, everywhere she went people would judge her and criticize her. She told me she wanted a boyfriend maybe she can discover love and stop feeling the pain in her heart.

A couple of friends invited her to a party she was mildly excited, and I say mildly because at that deep state of depression one does not really happy states really easily.

She asked me what I thought about the party of party of me wanted to tell her to go for it because she needs something like this to help get her out of her shell.

But, I had a very bad feeling about this one…I said maybe you can try it out and see if it’s for you, but, I don’t have a good feeling about those people they don’t seem right for you.

She looked at me and said, okay, well I am going to try it anyways and see what happens because I can’t keep things the same anymore.

Alright I said have fun.

Then she went to the party and everyone is drinking, smoking, having sex, and doing all kinds of things you want expect in a normal party.

She was somewhat excited and a little nervous because she has been around these of people. She notice her crush was over there and her crush told to go over there.

Her crushed was flirting with her and look interested in her. 

She finally felt a hint of happiness for once, someone, actually paying attention to her and her deep desire to find a boyfriend to complete her. So she was excited.

The guy let’s call Jake, invited her for some drinks and what not. She was a bit hesistant and denied at first because that’s not really her think. And Jake said it’s okay just try it for one day everything will be fine.

So she did, she had a few drinks. Not much of a drinker she quickly started losing her consciousness. It helped to override that misery state and quite her mind temporarily which was enjoyable.

Then Jake said hey let’s go upstairs I want to you something. 

Okay, she said excitingly as she was unable to think straight. A Jake and his buddies brought her on the bed and raped her. She felt completely devastated by the experience.

She quickly the party with a wide range of emotions and thoughts in her mind. No matter where I go or no matter what I do bad things always. The rape event was a big trigger in life that completely destroyed her sense of being. 

She wasn’t even a person again. It was like she lost her very soul to live.

She called me to meet for one last time? And I asked how did the party go?

Before she said anything something in the air was wrong. A very errire feeling that I wish I could have done more for her. But, I just didn’t know what to do.

Gerardo, thank you being my friend and being there for me you were my first for a long time and I have to tell you something….

Yea sure what is it? 

I am moving away far far away because I don’t want to be here anymore. This place is no good for me. Everywhere I go people are the same and they only hurt me.

…I really didn’t know what to say. I didn’t really want to lose her as a friend because I particularly cared for, but, when you care for someone you let them lead their life to find whatever leads to happiness.

Alright, do whatever is going to make you feel happy.

Thank you Gerardo, you’ve been a good friend to me. And maybe we will meet in the future sometime. I’d like to keep in touch with you.

Yea sure thing, let’s catch up.

I don’t normally watch the news and dad told me to look on the news there is something you must see. 

My heart felt the chills – no way! She said she was moving out of town not ending her life. Her head was completely blown off with her a bullet in the middle of her head. 

I should’ve seen it coming…but I wanted to pain optimistic that one day she would find that place of happiness. 

But, it’s one of those things when life gives you so many negative experiences you lose your will to live and walk like a walking zombie out in the world. So for her suicide seem like the best for her to end her misery.

Me being in control of my mind-body system I did feel devasted, and some tears went through my eyes, but I know the cruelness of reality. And I just told her on the psychic world make you rest in peace, my friend. Maybe there you can find the happiness you have always wanted.

I know life kept giving you issues everywhere you go and I didn’t wanted to see you end this world. But, I do understand, I just wish you would’ve given a little bit more time because everything does get better in the end.

Now I am left with deep thoughts wondering who is at fault? The bad people in her life who made her miserable. 

Or, was she responsible for pulling the trigger herself?

Because no one makes you pull the trigger. You pull the trigger yourself based on your emotions and your unfortunate circumstances. 

Unfortunately, there is no one to blame when you pull the trigger on yourself. You pulled it and no one else force you. But, they “guide” you to leading the wrong decision by causing so much agony in your heart that the only logical decision is to end your misery.

Rest in peace my friend. I wish I could have done more for you, but because of my own limitations I couldn’t fully help you. I promise you when I meet you or someone like you again, Ill be stronger and better so they dont suffer the same cruel fate. 

Hypnosis is ultimately the cause of death for my friend. Her inability to cope with reality and find a way to mentally out think her cruel reality and see there is always a way out to fix your problems. It’s always bad before it gets better, but at some point we all laugh at the journey and we wonder why did we ever take anything so seriously.

Unfortunately, she make it that far to. If she could have survived long enough, but, in the state the whole world seems pointless without a glimmer of hope. 

Rest in peace my friend! May you finally find happiness.

Control Your Mind To Control Your Life

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