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Never Force Love, Relationships, Attraction

Never Force Relationships

If you need to force attraction then there is no attraction.

If you need to engineer compatibility, then there is no compatibility.

If you have to prove to someone how awesome you are to gain their approval or validation then you already starting off in a losing position.

You are going to want certain things and be attracted to certain people, and so will they.

Most people that I have ever spoken to about how they meet their partner said it just happened naturally.

Couple of ways this happens.

Situation 1: Structured Environment 

Boy and Girl go to church.

They exchange conversations a few times.

They develop feelings.

They notice each other mutual attraction.

Then they make it official.

Nothing was forced in this situation. *You can replace church for any other structured environment like school as an example*

Situation 2: Friend Introduces You To Other Friends

You have a friend and he introduces you to some of his girl/guy friends.

You talk to some people, eventually even exchange contact info.

Start texting/ calling the person.

Eventually, make it official.

Nothing was forced here.

Situation 3: Online Dating

This one is way more time-consuming unless you are a girl.

Girls receive texts, guys have to send the text.

So naturally, girls can get a Yes whenever they want while a guy has to Work for a Yes.

But same deal. Pick a person. Multiple conversations. Then decide whether to make it official or not.

Situation 4: Selfish and Manipulative Person

Let me tell you what absolutely does not work.

And that is hooking up with someone and expecting them to change to meet your needs and be everything you want them to be for your benefit.

When you try to change someone you actually send the signal to the other person “I don’t like you”.

It is very dismissive energy.

It feels like disapproval and is very invalidating.

In any case, changing someone to fit the profile of who you want is the dumbest idea ever.

You are doing 1000 times more work and spending 1000 times to make someone become the perfect person you want.

Just go find the guy who is already perfect it’s much easier that way. However, for whatever reason people like other people. Not sure why. I guess it’s like working on a project and it feels rewarding.

If there are things that need to be changed in a relationship they can be discussed in a friendly adult manner.

No one ever stays the same people are always changing so obviously I am not saying to never change.

I am saying accept the other person.

The other person needs to feel you like and accept them.

Otherwise, it will come across as “I don’t like you”.

Also, how about if this person has no interest in becoming who you want them to be?

Why are you putting your personal needs for this person?

I honestly, can’t believe I have to explain this.

People change because they want to change.

Even if you tell them something – they change because they accepted the idea themselves and decided to change.

No one is your minion.

No one is your slave.

No one is your pawn.

When you are changing people or manipulating them to do what you want or be who you want them to be you are basically saying “You Are My Slave”.

The same things the white people did to the black people.

All you do is make suggestions.

And they decide what to do with your suggestions.

That’s it really.

No grown adult has the authority to tell another grown adult what to do or how to think.

That can be convinced socially but no one has the right to do so.

Again constantly changing people is dismissive.

Instead of changing them help them to improve.

Help them to think.

Help them think of another way to be.

When you tell people what to do or force them to change you are abusing them and being a bully.

No one likes to change.

It feels very much like stress.

Anything new for the mind is stress.

If people could change instantly, it wouldn’t take so long to form new habits.

Similarly, if you want to “change” people you have to give them plenty of time to “learn” what it is you want for them to “change”.

Even learning takes time.

Look at college students, they don’t learn everything in one sitting.

They have to study for hours.

The point is you can’t just go to anyone and expect them to instantly change on demand.

Not only is that disrespectful, but, it doesn’t work that way in the real world.

You have to “train” people not change people.

You also need to consider what it is they want.

What is their dream?

You can’t change someone unless you know their goal.







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